July 4, 2025, Israel
One year I had a Japanese student here for training. She was very dedicated; she came to train here for 3 months. One day we were to be joined by an Italian student, having just arrived from Italy and staying in the Arab section of Jerusalem (big mistake). He became lost, I could not really help him as I don't frequent that part of town. I tried my best to guide him. Eventually he showed up, 45 minutes late.
For several days the Japanese woman refused to talk to me. Finally, I confronted her. She told me, "I have lost all respect for you. That student disrespected you by showing up 45 minutes late. You are not a man! My father is a lawyer, if someone is 15 minutes late the appointment is cancelled, and the relationship is permanently over."
Wow. I thought that was rather harsh. I explained to her that here things do not work that way. There are limits to "Respect", it is not like Japan. And we take into account things like, you are new in the country, you don't speak the language, you got lost, you took the wrong bus. Such things happen and are understandable.
Cultural differences, it was not the first time this happened and certainly not the last.
Yes, this can happen, but we should make every effort to be on time, that is the way my father was, that is the way I was raised. For me, to show up late is to disrespect the time of others. If you have a meeting, just the two of you, the other person must waste his time waiting for you. If it is a group meeting, or a class, you are not wasting other's time, but it is disruptive to show up late. You missed the beginning of class, others have to "catch you up". Any teacher will tell you that little chit chat in the back, or people walking into class late, is enough to totally unsettle the lesson.
Of course, there are exceptions. If a student explains ahead of time, I get off from work at such an hour, the bus comes at this hour, I will always arrive 13 minutes late, I have no other options, such an explanation is understandable. I totally understand that, although when I was traininig as a student I chose my jobs based on my martial arts schedule. I have a friend who decided which college to attend based on where he could find a dojo of his style of Karate, in that case Goju ryu.
But of course, I know that these are the exceptions, not everyone can do this. People must work to make a living. Understood.
However, barring those types of exceptions, I firmly believe a student should make every effort to show up time, for his own sake, for the sake of his fellow students and for the sake of the teacher/instructor. It may not seem important, but it can totally throw off the energy and quality of the class.
So what is the cause of lateness? I believe there are a few possible reasons;
1. Something totally unexpected came up, an urgent matter, an emergency. This can happen to anyone, but not every lesson.
2. Habitual lateness - a bad habit, always thinking, "I have time, no need to rush".
3. Lack of Respect or Appreciation - What does it matter if I show up late? That's my business, it does not affect anyone else. (It does!). Such a person does not know what it feels like to be on the other side, to be the teacher, the organizer. Imagine a new student shows up on time but all the regulars meander in a few minutes late. What kind of an impression does that make on the new student? How does that make your teacher feel? Put on the shoes of the other person and try to understand.
4. Squeezing in a little more - I used to be this way. I always thought, I can get a little more done before leaving, let me just...water the plants, check my phone messages, call a friend, but then it takes a little bit too long, and ...you are perpetually late. It is a habit, but one that can be fixed.
5. Poor planning - This also used to be an issue of mine, I scheduled too many things to do in one day, as a result if there was any sort of lack of perfection in the days' events, including unforeseen delays, I would end up late, but it was "not my fault", or so I thought. but it was my fault. Eventually I learned that life is not perfect, and I just plan for unforeseen delays, things happen. Now I plan my day in such a way that if everything goes perfect, by the clock, I have some extra free time. But if the unforeseen happens, minor delays that are not my fault, I am still on time for the events that I had planned.
I don't think I was ever late to a martial arts class in my entire life. Pretty sure about that. and I am on time for the synagogue on a daily basis. But I had some good role models, my dear father, may he rest in peace, and many fine teachers. I wish to remember one today, his name was Rabbi Jacob Wehl of blessed memory.
Rabbi Wehl was a "character", and all the students have "Rabbi Wehl stories". He was Old School, did things his way, the way he was raised, the way he believed, you either loved him, or...not. To me he was an inspiration and to this very day he is a part of my life, though he long since passed away from this earthly imperfect world.
You dressed properly for class, button downed shirt, proper slacks, shoes, haircut etc. And you showed up on time, no exceptions. When the bell rang and it was time for us to go to class, Rabbi Wehl was already there, he probably never left, at his desk, hovered over his Talmud, making the most of every minute. When the bell rang that it was time to start class, he sometimes moved his chair to the door, locked the door and blocked it with this own body.
Students who were too busy playing, tried to enter the classroom, for being caught in the hallway during class without a hall pass was a very serious matter. I recall seeing through the small window in the door, desperate students waving their hands trying to get the teachers' attention, but of course he could not see them. Sometimes a student would say, "Rabbi, Josh is outside waving his hands, the door is locked". But the rabbi continued with his lesson.
I can still picture this scene, though half a century has passed. The young student is now an old man, balding with a grey beard, and a teacher himself, and I can still Rabbi Wehl continuing with this Talmud lesson. As I write this my Talmud is next to me, and as soon as I finish my blog I will return to my Talmudic studies, as inspired and motivated half a century ago by my teachers. And I remember this lesson too. Show up on time, Respect the lesson. Don't take chances, make sure you are on time.
And in my world Rabbi Wehl is still sitting there, in New York, his Talmud open, his eyes wide open, teaching, and I, the perpetual student, still listening, taking in his words of wisdom and his personal example.
True teachers never die.
Moshe Katz, 7th dan Black Belt, Israeli Krav Maga. Certified by Wingate Institute. Member Black Belt hall of fame, USA and Europe.
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